Yoggy The Shoggoth and The Planet of the Pretty Maids
by Stevethesuperotaku
Summary: When a perverted Otaku kidnaps a member of a prestigious royal family, a bounty hunter Shoggoth named Yoggy must travel space to save her.


Yoggy the Shoggoth and the Planet of the Pretty Maids

Chapter one: Distress Call

Our knowledge of space is limited. From the time we enter elementary school we are told there are eight planets, we are in the Milky Way galaxy, and that if we don't stop eating paste then our parents will have to be called. Yet space is vast, very, very vast. There are over 60 billion planets in the universe and counting. There are planets of sentient vegetables and fruits, planets of talking refrigerators and futons, and a planet made up of Pat Robertson look- alikes. The last planet we will ignore for it is a very nasty place, called by the Encyclopedia Galactica "One of the largest group homes in the universe." And even makes the residence of Graham Prime, a planet of Lindsay Graham look-alikes, seem highly evolved. It is through this vast world that our story begins, on a ship shaped like a maple bar.

"Can't you just let me out?" the piece of toast said from behind his cage.

"Sorry pal, no can do. I know what you did to those nurses." The voice from behind the red velvet pilot's chair said as he reached a tentacle to pull a lever.

"But, I have to go to the bathroom, bad" The toast whined. Yoggy turned around and faced the piece of toast.

"I've heard that excuse before. It won't work." Yoggy hopped off the chair with a squishy "Plop" sound. Yoggy Shoggoth was flying the ISS Randolph Carter through the Shavon star system back to Kellogg-IV. Kellogg-IV was a planet of sentient foodstuffs, one of many dotted throughout the universe. It was a planet of breakfast food, a world of talking waffles, eggs and giant cups of coffee. Yoggy slid his squishy form over to the giant refrigerator and pulled Lovecraft Ale from the crisper. As Yoggy shut the door he looked at himself in the mirrored glass of the door. He wasn't like the Shoggoths who built the cities of The Great Old Ones, with many mouths and eyes. If he wanted he could form the traditional Shoggoth look but chose to merge his many eyes into one giant eye and his many mouths into one giant mouth.

Sliding over to the holding area he looked at the toast. It was a standard piece of white bread, lightly toasted and slathered in grape jelly. He had picked up the toaster on a 15,000 Krugal bounty. The toast, whose name was George, had been wanted for assaulting an egg during a bar fight. The fight was over an argument on who was fatter; Kim Jong Un, the leader of the Earth nation of North Korea, or Oprah Winfrey, a woman who is worshiped as a god on Earth. The egg was hit with a giant spoon and received a cracked shell. You may think this is bad in and of itself right but one does not know the half of it. Due to his injuries the egg now wanders around rambling about government conspiracies involving Tony the Tiger and Scootaloo from the Earth Series My Little Pony: Friendship is magic. This is the exact reason Earth Moms tell their offspring to wear helmets.

The toast made bond but had fled before trial. Yoggy had found him on a planet of Naughty Nurses where he had went on a savage spree of carnage after several nurses said they wanted to "Eat Him" which to a piece of toast is quite different than to a human. Still Yoggy managed to apprehend him with a can of mace and plastic sandwich baggie. Now George, the disgruntled piece of toast was sitting on the bench of a cell Yoggy held prisoners in. George slumped down on the bench and watched Yoggy pop the top off his beer.

"Can I have some beer?" He asked.

"Hell no!" Yoggy shouted and took a long pull off his beer and let out a large belch.

"You know you really are an asshole" George said, his jelly smeared face awash in rage.

"Don't worry buddy, we'll be at the space port on Kellogg-IV in about fifteen minutes. Then you don't have to deal with my squishy ass anymore." Yoggy said as he sat in his chair and pulled levers. This was the part of the job he hated, dealing with criminals. Yet far off in the galaxy there was another person, dealing with a far worse situation.

Amanda sat in her room, her eyes filled with tears. How she had wound up on this planet was beyond her. The room she was in was small, fitted with only a bed and an end table with a small lamp. The walls were cool stone and the windows had iron bars on it. She had remembered being in bed, snuggling with her teddy bear, Mr. Snuggles, and now, she was here on a cold, overcast planet with a grey ocean. She was wearing a uniform. Black and white, almost like a skirt or a dress, it was adorned with lace and had a white piece in the front with pockets. She wondered if she was dressed while she was asleep or maybe drugged beforehand. Suddenly a knock came on the wooden door. Looking up she saw the door open to reveal a fat man, clad in a sweatshirt that said Kent State Golden Flashes and matching grey sweatpants. His hair was parted making wings on both sides, his face adorned with black plastic framed glasses.

"Ah," he said, "my new maid has arrived." The fat man said walking into the room. He lifted her chin with his hands.

"Who are you?" she said turning away from his visage.

"I am Thomas, and you little miss are my new servant girl." He said letting out a hearty laugh.

"Servant Girl?" She said her voice quavered. The fat man laughed.

"Yes, Servant Girl. This entire planet, all the females on it is mine. This is my Nirvana. My world and on this world you belong to me!" His laughter grew maniacal. Then his watched beeped in alarm. "Holy Crap, it's time for ponies!" he said and dashed off slamming the door. Amanda flung herself on the bed and began to sob, clinging to hope that this was a nightmare.

Yoggy had dropped George the toast off at the local police station and was now counting his Krugals as his ship floated on auto pilot. He usually counted his money to make sure there were no errors. It wasn't that he didn't trust the people who gave him the money but more about internal bias when it comes to Shoggoths. Yoggy and his kind had got a bad rap since the time of Howard Philips Lovecraft and his infamous "At the Mountains of Madness" and all of this could spell being screwed out of his rightfully earned money. All of a sudden a noise came from the front of the ship.

Tekeli-li

Tekeli-li

Yoggy knew it was his video communicator and he plopped off the chair and tapped the green screen button with his tentacle.

"Yoggy Shoggoth, bounty hunter and world hot wing eating champion, what I can do for you?" he said. The screen showed a blond haired young man adorned in a green tunic and leggings. His sword was attached to his belt in a scabbard.

"Yoggy Shoggoth, I am Prince James of Brightmore. I require your assistance." The man said. Yoggy looked and him and thought he looked like a fruitcake.

"What can I do ya for?" Yoggy said.

"My bride, Princess Amanda, has been kidnapped by a rogue. Someone crawled through the palace window and snatched her while she slept." The prince said.

"Have you tried looking for giant turtle monsters that breathe fire and hate Italian Plumbers? Nine times out of ten that's who takes them." The Shoggoth said with a smirk.

"The rogue left behind a bit of evidence." The prince said and held up a book with a drawing of two young females, their breasts and naughty parts exposed through their maid uniforms. Yoggy knew exactly what he was dealing with.

"Looks like you got a Hentai Otaku on your hands. Getting your princess won't be cheap though." He said.

"Our kingdom is willing to pay 20 million Krugals for her safe return." Yoggy's eye grew wide, with excitement.

"I'm your man. I'll have her back before you can say, "It's a me, Mario!" Yoggy said.

"Please do Yoggy, our kingdom depends on you." The Prince said and then signed off.

"20 Million Krugals and a princess too, Yoggy you hit the Jackpot!" he said and hopped in the pilot's chair. He pressed a button for some mood music. The sounds of ZZ Top's "Gimmie All Your Lovin'" filled the cabin as Yoggy headed for Rygel-9 to do some fact finding, and maybe get laid.


End file.
